The Fart
by antiassasinguy
Summary: Because even ladies have to let out gas.


Disclaim-me-do: I don't own Claymore.

Summary: Because even ladies have to let out gas.

**The Fart**

It was quick.

_BRRRT!_

Or was it?

_BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFFT!_

And then, came the silence.

And nothing would ever be the same again.

Miria turned her nose upwards in disgust, as the only male in the group, or within a radius of a mile, Raki, spun on his heel in shock and came face-to-face with the guilty party. Tabitha and Uma fought back a blush of embarrassment as they did the same action as Miria, and all eyes, much to her chagrin, were on the supposedly-guilty.

Clare glared hatefully at the four.

Except for Raki, Raki wouldn't _dare _say that –

"You farted."

Okay, so maybe he would.

"I did _not_."

To her side, Helen fought back a guffaw for fear of dying of laughter. Clare turned her head to glare, and then she lost it. Howling laughter could be heard for a hundred miles as the stratchy Claymore clutched her sides, eyes closed in a tight shut, tears forming and threw herself back…

And laughed her ass off.

Until the need for oxygen overcame the need for humor, if only just for a moment.

The others, however, probably didn't share her brand of humor.

"Pardon my laughing –_pfft_…" Helen fought hard and strong to keep herself from cracking up again. She doubted she could stop this time, considering_who _had just let one rip.

She tried her best NOT to break out into a rap over a fart.

_Hehe… rap… fart…_

Miria couldn't help but smile at her subordinates; at the indignant Clare, the laughing Helen and even the silently guffawing trio. It was good to have some funny going-ons among them to loosen them up… although Clare's idea of loosening up was probably much more different than theirs, judging by the way she had just –

_Must not laugh. Must not laugh. Must not laugh…_

Clare, huffing with indignance, turned to the only male of the group for support, or more likely, the one person she knew would stand by her side and never waver. Not ever. Nuh-Uh.

Right?

"Raki, tell them I am not, in any shape, or form… a farter."

"…"

"Raki?"

/-/-/FLASHBACK TO 7 YEARS AGO/-/-/

"Clare, where are we go – ?"

_BRRT!_

"…"

"…"

"Tell anyone and_die_."

/-/-/END LOUSY FLASHBACK/-/-/

It had been a good life.

He took a breath. Probably his last, he would take the time and effort to enjoy this. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

"…" he began, and ended with: "Do you want the truth or the lie infused for fear of death?"

_Drop. Roll. Clutch. Howl._

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_Miria; m – my feelings! How could you – ?!_

"OHMYGOD! HAHAHAHAHA! T – TOO FUNNY! C – C – CLARE! GWAHAHAHA – !" _Not you too, Cynthia!_

"HEEHEE – ! THIS – THIS IS KILLING ME! GAHAHAHAH – !" _Uma… well, I kinda expected her._

Clare, cheeks puffed cutely, glared at the dying Claymores all on the ground, arms crossed over her breasts. With a glance to the side, she saw her supposed "soulmate" (she used the term tentatively, considering the wandering hands and eyes of her fellow Renegades).

Who was also laughing.

She'd kill him later. And then cook his remains to be fed to the dogs. And Priscilla.

"STOP LAUGHING!"

To his credit, it took Raki the shortest to recover from the onslaught of humor. Instead of the two hours the girls took, he only needed one. Biting back the inside of his cheek, Raki approached Clare and gave her a humble pat on the shoulder to calm the poor girl down. She didn't take too lightly at being humiliated by this, and over a fart, by the Gods! It was – It was _unsightly_! Warrior woman she may had been, but she was still a woman!

And women did NOT fart. No matter how sick and twisted men thought them to be.

"Clare, don't be so embarrassed; farting is part of the natural cycle – wh – what are you doing with your sword?"

"Didn't I tell you…" and cue the glowing eyes. The angry glowing eyes that made Yoki fall to their knees and beg for the mercy that they would never have. "Not… to… tell… _anyone_, Raki?"

"Um… no?"

And then he realized he was screwed.

"You have 3 seconds to start running."

He didn't need another warning. He doubted he'd be given one anyway.

Deneve chuckled at the antics of Raki and Clare, as the couple ran around the group comically, like a Tom and Jerry chase scene. Or rather, Raki running for his life from Clare for fear of tasting the steel death that only her sword could make. Seriously though. Farting was a normal occurrence. People did it everywhere and everyday. It was just the process of expelling toxic gasses like sulfur and some dioxides. It was just part of life! By the Gods, anyone could do it and she wouldn't have cared.

Even if she _was_ the one who let out the fart.

_BRRRT!_

"Ew, _Clare_!"

"It _wasn't_ me!"

A/N: I like Helen. She's my favourite. I like Raki. He's my second favourite. I like Clare. But she's like… my tenth fav. If you were anti-me enough to recognize, Raki is with them because they found him.

Naked.


End file.
